Roots, wings, and birthday cake!

I will never forget her sweet face that refused to give an expression…any expression. Not a smile or a sneer to be found from this girl, all of 15 months old she sized us up. She sat back with her cool confidence as her father and I sweated it out. It was one of those summers where heat and humidity reigned. We pulled down the dirt driveway leading to a small farm, my heart pounding as we were about to meet our children. True to form, Niki was already running across the farmer’s porch yelling “mommy, daddy!” I managed to hold it together on the outside, as the voice inside my head echoed all my fears and insecurities as the foster mom brought out Jessie. Her beautiful brown eyes meant business that day, and her lips refused to entertain a smile. There were at least two more visits before this child would throw us a bone in the form of a smile or giggle. Oh but when she did, her smile would light up my world.

For the next year or so Jessie mainly resided on my hip, as I learned to do everything one handed. She was very attached to me, literally and figuratively. Did I mention the size of this child? Always one of the tallest children she was weighing in at a healthy 20 lbs when we got her. Despite her size she was still, and will always be my baby. This child did not learn to walk, she learned to bounce. Always a lightness to her from the beginning, you would see her bouncing around as if on springs. She moves through this world with a grace that was born to her. She loves unicorns and rainbows, but still fascinated by monsters and scary things. She is unique on to herself, and makes no apologies for any of it. She may take her sweet time to start, but when she is ready to rock watch out. She’s a force!!

I started writing this earlier with my cup of coffee, and the kids upstairs still asleep. Jessie excited because it is her birthday today, was up early. Since this morning Jessie got her new hover-board, and then took a pretty hard tumble off said hover-board. We then started the morning with walk to school day. Normally I am at work and not able to do this event, so the kids were excited I was off today. Why am I giving you an itinerary of my day you ask? Good question, but it is relevant. Already this morning we had squeals of delight, giggles, tears, scraped elbows, and consoling hugs and kisses. You know typical morning stuff.

My girl Jessie! My sweet child who always knows when a hug is needed, and still gives the lightest and sweetest butterfly kisses. My girl who tackles me every morning with a “tackle” hug as she “smothers me with cuteness”. This girl who still seeks protection in my arms when she is sick, injured, or sad. That very girl…shooed me! That’s right hand gesture and all, just shooed me away. She was standing with her friends, and trying to be cool as I approached them on the walk to school adventure. I believe her exact word was “skat”. I am assumed that she meant scoot, as skat is usually some kind of animal dropping. Confused, I did look it up and turns out it can be used as a verb, and means to go away quickly. Points for using it properly I guess. First I let her know that was fresh, but then let her have her space with her friends. Luckily my older daughter was more than happy to walk and chat with her old mom. I heard Jessie behind us showing off her birthday t-shirt her mom got her, and talking about her hover-board. I think back to that baby who eyeballed me suspiciously, and clung to me for the better part of a year. I am so impressed by the confident young girl she blossomed into. This has been a pivotal year for Jessie in many ways, and she has made so many strides in and out of school. Despite that fact that she just publicly told me to “skat”, I know that she still loves and needs her momma. I do believe the best you can do for your kids is to give them roots and wings. Even though it is scary, you gotta stand back and let them test there wings. This girl can soar!!

So on this day, my world changed even if I didn’t know it at the time. It would be 15 months before that child found her way to me, and I have spent everyday since thankful that she did. Happy Birthday to my sweet Jessie! I love you more than you’ll ever know!!