Our family journey…Foster to Adoption.
I didn’t want to let this month go by without talking a little bit about how our family was created through foster care. It is fitting that May is National Foster Care Month, the same month we adopted through foster care. People choose to foster for many reasons. There are some amazing people who open up their homes and hearts to children in need. The sad truth is, there are just not enough. There are not enough safe homes for temporary placements, or permanent homes for children waiting to be adopted. In our case the goal was always adoption. We went through the necessary MAPP training with a mixture of fear and excitement. You are well prepared and warned about just about every circumstance that can come up during these placements. In short, they scare the crap out of you. You are left questioning yourself and your abilities, and wondering if you can really take this on. The upside is you really have to take a good look inward to determine if this is really what you want, and if you can handle it. Luckily after doing all that the answer to those questions were absolute and definite. They have to be. I remember getting the call that we had been matched. I was at work when I got the call from Linda, my fantastic adoption worker. The moment was surreal, and it took awhile for it to really sink it. I guess I would compare it to seeing a positive on a home pregnancy test. This was my moment when I was told I was going to be a mom. The moments that followed included learning about the girls and seeing pictures. I created an album for the girls with photos of me and Gordie, our extended family, our pets, and our home. This went home to the girls to read and look through. There were visits at the foster home, out with the girls and their social worker, and finally a little solo time. Then on July 22, 2011 the girls came home forever.
7 years ago it became official. Already ours in our hearts and minds, we officially adopted the girls on May 24, 2012. Even on the drive to the courthouse, I was still nervous that something was going to change the trajectory of this moment. Not until the we were all in the courthouse and the judge was talking to us did I start to breath normally. The court was excited to for once to be having a happy occasion to be celebrating. The judge spoke to us at length, even reviewing the details of our lives that brought us to this point. Information provided I am sure by the wonderful social and adoption workers that guided us on our journey to becoming a family. My mother had passed away a few months prior, and he made mention about how she was there with us that day. It was a lovely moment that had us all in tears. Then he banged his gavel, and my kids banged his gavel making it extra official. This particular judge gives the kids beanie babies, which my kids affectionately call their adoption bears. Over the past 7 years they have been played with, loved, misplaced, but always found again. Niki and Jessie still make sure that every adoption day they have their adoption bears with them. They are very special and they like to share the significance of them with others. They both brought them to school with them this year. I am so happy that my children embrace their adoption as part of their story, and not a source of embarrassment or shame.
The girls birth mom signed over her rights to me, and as condition of the agreement we still see her twice a year. They also have an older sister and Nana that we see on those visits. I won’t go into their story as it is not mine to share. One thing I can say is that they are good people who love the girls. Kids in foster care are often ripped away from families that love them, and they lose any sense of belonging. Despite the circumstances they are in, these kids are grieving a loss I cannot begin to comprehend. These kids need a champion. They need love and understanding. Over the course of the past 7 years our relationship has deepened and grown in so many wonderful ways. I won’t lie and say that the journey has been easy. There were moments when I questioned myself,and my abilities. I made mistakes, and I learn from them. The relationship I have with my kids today is honest, and real. The love is deep and enduring. They have changed my live in amazing ways, and I am better because of them. Choosing adoption was the best decision I ever made, and I am so happy that I went through foster care. There are so many children that will not know the security of a forever home, nor truly understand the power of unconditional love.
As one last side note. I have been through the heartache of infertility and struggled with the emotional and physical effects of repeated failed IVF attempts. In the end, the thing I wanted was to be a mom. I would never tell a woman what path they should take to get there, or advise them to bypass any of it. If you, or anyone else is considering this option I am always happy to talk about it. Please feel free to reach out to me anytime.
For more information about adoption and foster care in Massachusetts please visit the following website: