New Beginnings in Changed World…

So I got a face book memory the other day reminding me that a year ago I went public with my blog. A year ago I was struggling with a new diagnosis, undergoing treatment that made me feel worse than the disease, and trying to stay positive about the physical changes that were occurring because of it. A year later-my health is stable but, the world is not. This was supposed to be my year, the next chapter starting with a new home and improved health. It’s amazing how much everything has changed in a matter of weeks. Personally speaking my kids and I are starting a new chapter of our lives in the middle of a pandemic. The excitement of buying a new house and the nervousness of my children adjusting to a new school system pale in comparison to the adjustments Americans are making across the country.

As a nurse I am lucky to not be in harms way. I have been able to keep doing my job from home, and due to health concerns I will likely continue to do so for the foreseeable future. The pull to be on the front lines with my fellow nurses is great, and I had to fight the inclination to throw caution to the wind and rush in. I had to think of my health, and how further decline of it would affect me and my children. I had to bury the concerns that my contribution at this time does not begin to measure up to other nurses working in the thick of it. My heart goes out to everyone getting up each day and heading into the unknown with inadequate protection to ensure the safety of themselves and the families they go home to.

Like many I am a little overwhelmed with the expectations of keeping my children motivated and focused, while at the same time putting in 40 hours at work and missing the routines of my everyday. I took for granted all the people in my life that got me through my days until I haven’t seen their faces for weeks. The luxury of being able to stroll through a grocery store without regard to my proximity to everyone else. My children, the new kids, unable to acclimate to a new town and run out and meet the kids in the neighborhood. I have reminded my children almost daily about the necessity of social distancing and the implications if they do not. We have hit many state parks for walks and bike rides, just to find throngs of individuals and families with the same idea. Our new neighborhood filled with children that they cannot interact with, as technology allows them to keep in touch with old friends. For the most part we are doing okay, but we have our moments.

The other day I saw a post on Facebook that put things into perspective. A post about a friend mourning a loss of a loved one whose hand couldn’t be held by them in her final moments, and all they could do was watch from a window as she took her last breath. I remember that moment with my own mother, and the anguish it would have caused if I had not been able to hold her hand and say my goodbyes. My heart broke for her family. For many this pandemic is a huge inconvenience, but for others they are losing their loved ones and moments they will never be able to get back.

Like many, I am anxious to get back to my everyday life and routines. I look forward to being able to open up my home, and share a carefree meal with loved ones. Zoom and Facetime are a great way to stay connected, but can’t create the same bond as time spent in the company of others. Until that day arrives, I will be grateful for a new home with space for an office. I am thankful that my health is stable, and I don’t have to navigate healthcare during this time as a patient. Glad for nice weather that allows us to get outside take walks and go for bike rides. As we navigate the days, weeks, and maybe months ahead please try to enjoy the simplicity of the days where time languished and ceased to define them. Love your children they will be fine. Don’t worry about every assignment posted. Instead teach them to cook a meal, do laundry, and be creative with their time. From these times a more grateful nature will emerge, in the meantime stay safe and be well my friends.