Into the Woods…

There sits this piece of land that stole my heart and speaks to my soul. I go there to find peace and gain perspective. If you haven’t been to Borderland State Park I highly recommend it. There is a little something for everyone-biking, hiking, running, and even Frisbee golf. Nature in it’s most pure state dripping in history. For decades it has been my go to place when I need to slow down for a moment, take a deep breath, and just be. It is truly one of my most favorite places.

My most recent trip to this magical place was following a complete and total breakdown. It happened the other day after I spoke to my doctors office and was meet with the realization that the most recent treatment did not likely work to push my kidney disease into remission. Without any conversation with my doctor directly, my mind jumped to the worst case scenario. I was so mad! I was angry at my kidneys for not responding as I hoped. I was angry at my doctor who put me on this treatment. I was angry at the Prednisone that tore me down mentally and physically over the past 6 months. I was angry at my own optimism that always sets the bar high, inevitable ending in disappointment at least some of the time. So I got in my car and while in bumper to bumper traffic on route 24 I do what I always do when I am overwhelmed with anger and frustration- I ugly cried. Bight red puffy eyes and snot, so much snot. I called and vented to one of my sisters. Eventually exhausting myself. There was only one thing in this moment that would truly calm my spirit, so into the woods I went. Among the trees I am humbled, I seek out the wisdom of their years. There is this one tree that I love. It is magnificent and full, most likely supporting dozens of species within it’s branches. I think what I love about this tree is that it reminds me of all the strong woman whom I admire most. They endure storms, stand tall and proud, and continue to nurture and support those around them. It reminds me that this is just a moment in time. A moment like many in the past that I will endure, grow stronger from, and continue to thrive.

I will leave you with one last thought courtesy of my sister whom I received the sweetest text from this morning. She reminded me of my own strength and determination. Part of healing and growing will involve the occasional breakdown, it does not mean we are weak. We have to allow ourselves these moments so we can truly heal and move past them. I won’t bore you with a play be play of the exchange, but what touched me the most was when she wrote “you see life as a journey of the unexpected and seem open to change”. I love that she sees me like that, and I hope to always live up to the sentiment. We would do well to model ourselves after the trees. Every year they shed there leaves allowing for new growth and opportunity. Having shed my anger and frustration in the forest, I left the woods that day feeling lighter. My soul cleansed and spirit free, I paused for a moment on the way out to give thanks to Mother Nature that once again provided me exactly what I needed.