Embrace the Suck…

Most days I swear I got this. My family grateful that I am able to work from home even as I wish I could go in, reminding me of the repercussions that Covid-19 would have on someone with stage 3 chronic kidney disease. So I work from home and home school my kids, and man does it suck. For me working from home involves 8 hours of triaging from my basement, all while trying to keep my children focused on getting their assignments done. I have failed, hence my children sitting at the kitchen table on a Saturday catching up on all the things they haven’t done. You would think that the more time that passes the easier this would be, but no it still sucks. You learn to embrace the monotony and the suck. My children desperate for a break from it have to be told no as they beg to go to the store. I venture out alone to the grocery store, keep my distance, and wearily eye everyone around me. I offer a smile or a nod to fellow shoppers, both of us silently acknowledging the suck of the situation. I smile, wave, and introduce myself and my children to neighbors whose hands I cannot shake. This has become our normal and honestly it sucks.

You may wonder, why all the negativity today? Just a few days ago I posted about new beginnings in a changed world. It was filled with positive thoughts. I blame a snow/rain mix. Honestly, most days I am more positive. To maintain my sanity I venture out, nothing crazy I assure you. I am not congregating in crowds or embracing random strangers. I leave my home to go for a walk before my work day, and often wrap it up with a bike ride or a hike with my kids. My children begrudgingly accompany me on many of these excursions, ultimately glad for the diversion from the mundane. It’s the days where the rain falls not allowing for this that the quarantine overwhelms me. I am simply not made to sit in my house and isolate from the world. I find peace and solace in nature, but will continue to crave the connection that can only be achieved in the company of other people. I miss the routines and constants of my normal life, even as I attempt to keep myself and children focused and motivated. So I take a deep breath and I embrace the suck. I get out when I can, connect with others safely, and stay active. Yet an overcast day truly casts a shadow on all that. So we embraced the suck- went for a drizzly walk with my kids, caught up on some homework, watched a movie, and I worked out my contempt through writing.

I wonder when and how this changes. I fully understand that we will need to live with some measure of social distancing for the foreseeable future, but when can we share a meal again with extended family, or meet a friend for a drink? Is it something that unfolds slowly allowing for more and more freedoms as we rejoin the world? I would like to look back and say that I emerged from this time stronger and more appreciative. I hope to be able to say I thrived rather than just hung on through the pandemic. Most days are fine, but on the ones that aren’t I hold on and embrace the suck. On these days I connect more through phone calls and text, and cuddle my kids. On these days I count my blessings, and have true appreciation for each of them. It allows me to respect this time, and appreciate the impact it will have on us all as we rise from it. Tomorrow the sun will shine again, and my attitude will get the much needed adjustment it needs. As we move through these days please remember that brighter days are on the horizon, until then embrace the suck and stay safe.