My thoughts exactly...
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Well shit…This ain’t better.
The words “we can start tapering you off the Prednisone” were music to my ears. As I danced my way out of my nephrologist’s office, I pictured my life resuming to normal. Excitedly I envisioned the disappearance of my moon face, buffalo hump, and all the excess weight I have gained. I looked forward to the day my skin was more flesh colored than cooked lobster color. More importantly I thought my kidney disease had been pushed into remission. I thought I was good. On the bright side some of the many side effects from taking the high dose Prednisone have started to diminish. I swear I can make out…
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Into the Woods…
There sits this piece of land that stole my heart and speaks to my soul. I go there to find peace and gain perspective. If you haven’t been to Borderland State Park I highly recommend it. There is a little something for everyone-biking, hiking, running, and even Frisbee golf. Nature in it’s most pure state dripping in history. For decades it has been my go to place when I need to slow down for a moment, take a deep breath, and just be. It is truly one of my most favorite places. My most recent trip to this magical place was following a complete and total breakdown. It happened the…
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Shit Happens
Every once in awhile I like to take a gander at some of the things I wrote in the past. In part see how my writing has evolved, but honestly it’s like a reflection of where I have been. Like looking at your life in a rear view mirror, only when you get far enough away can you see the whole landscape of a situation that you miss when you’re fully immersed in it. I have been through some shit-childhood stuff, loss of love ones, financial instability (aka broke AF), infertility, adoption, divorce, illness, the list goes on. We all have our shit, and to quote Forest Gump, “Shit Happens”.…
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The Audacity to Believe
I started thinking about this on my drive into work this morning. This idea of the audacity to believe rolling around in my mind. The audacity to see the light when engulfed in darkness. The audacity to believe in love when surrounded by hate. The audacity to believe that everything is going to be ok, even when surrounded by unknowns. I had temporarily allowed those unknowns to formulate a strong defense against hope. Since my vacation my hope along with my audacity to believe in happy endings returned. An evolution of thought that rose up with a sunrise, as possibility crept in with the tides. Carried in on the breeze…
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Back to Life…
Back in the swing of things after being on vacation for close to two weeks. I can’t remember the last time I took that stretch of time off, and I encourage you all to do the same. It takes a few days of vacation to really unwind. To lift the weight of life from your shoulders and really breath and relax. I started every day of vacation with the sunrise. I woke, and as my babies slept I went for a walk. I didn’t have my usual distractions of music or another person chatting away as we walked. I let my thoughts take the main stage. I did this 3…
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Gram’s Gift
There is this little unique section of the cape that time has not changed. Where the sound of children’s laughter reigns and summer friends catch up. As the sun starts it’s descent they meet up on the beach and enjoy a cocktail and a story. They have watched each other’s children grow, celebrate successes, and held hands through loss. I swear my mom’s laughter can still be heard, it is carried in on the tides and embraces all. How lucky am I to be able to continue to share these memories with my sisters and make new ones with my own children. If history proves anything, then I am willing…
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CBD baby!
When your baseline is bitchy, and you are always a little bit pissed off. I have both allowed it to be my excuse for my behavior, and tried to fight it back. I am balancing my bitchiness with my calm if you will. Some days I do a better job of it than others. Some days I get a little help from my little cannabis infusing sister. She makes her own cannabis salve that helps treat inflammation, eczema, chronic pain, arthritis, fibromyalgia, tension headaches and migraines, bruising, muscle soreness, anxiety, and skin irritations That’s right CBD baby!! I started using this the other day when I was filled with frustration,…
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Good Grief…
It comes in waves. Sometimes fierce and strong, knocks you to the ground and keeps you there with the relentless force of it’s tide. Other times it is gentle and lapping. It reminds you of it’s presence, but allows you to go about your day mostly unencumbered by it. On those rare occasions the water stands calm and truly allows you to breath. The ocean can be used for a metaphor for life in so many ways. In this moment I am using it to describe grief. Grief is a reaction to a loss that causes sorrow. The thing about grief is that there is no telling when and how…
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Pools, parties, and perspective…
If you had asked me Friday how I thought my weekend was going to go, I would be hard pressed to summon up a positive word. I woke Friday tired. Add in a dash of dizziness and a shit ton of fatigue throughout the day, and that was my Friday. I made the unbelievably ridiculous call to go to Lord & Taylor to try on swimsuits after work. The unfortunate side effects of Prednisone does not leave my suits from last year as a suitable options. Needless to say that did not go well. Amazingly there were no tears, perhaps the occasional F bomb escaped my lips in a sad…
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Our family journey…Foster to Adoption.
I didn’t want to let this month go by without talking a little bit about how our family was created through foster care. It is fitting that May is National Foster Care Month, the same month we adopted through foster care. People choose to foster for many reasons. There are some amazing people who open up their homes and hearts to children in need. The sad truth is, there are just not enough. There are not enough safe homes for temporary placements, or permanent homes for children waiting to be adopted. In our case the goal was always adoption. We went through the necessary MAPP training with a mixture of…