Family and Life
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Shit Happens
Every once in awhile I like to take a gander at some of the things I wrote in the past. In part see how my writing has evolved, but honestly it’s like a reflection of where I have been. Like looking at your life in a rear view mirror, only when you get far enough away can you see the whole landscape of a situation that you miss when you’re fully immersed in it. I have been through some shit-childhood stuff, loss of love ones, financial instability (aka broke AF), infertility, adoption, divorce, illness, the list goes on. We all have our shit, and to quote Forest Gump, “Shit Happens”.…
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Good Grief…
It comes in waves. Sometimes fierce and strong, knocks you to the ground and keeps you there with the relentless force of it’s tide. Other times it is gentle and lapping. It reminds you of it’s presence, but allows you to go about your day mostly unencumbered by it. On those rare occasions the water stands calm and truly allows you to breath. The ocean can be used for a metaphor for life in so many ways. In this moment I am using it to describe grief. Grief is a reaction to a loss that causes sorrow. The thing about grief is that there is no telling when and how…
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Pools, parties, and perspective…
If you had asked me Friday how I thought my weekend was going to go, I would be hard pressed to summon up a positive word. I woke Friday tired. Add in a dash of dizziness and a shit ton of fatigue throughout the day, and that was my Friday. I made the unbelievably ridiculous call to go to Lord & Taylor to try on swimsuits after work. The unfortunate side effects of Prednisone does not leave my suits from last year as a suitable options. Needless to say that did not go well. Amazingly there were no tears, perhaps the occasional F bomb escaped my lips in a sad…
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Our family journey…Foster to Adoption.
I didn’t want to let this month go by without talking a little bit about how our family was created through foster care. It is fitting that May is National Foster Care Month, the same month we adopted through foster care. People choose to foster for many reasons. There are some amazing people who open up their homes and hearts to children in need. The sad truth is, there are just not enough. There are not enough safe homes for temporary placements, or permanent homes for children waiting to be adopted. In our case the goal was always adoption. We went through the necessary MAPP training with a mixture of…
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Husqvarna frustration, mercy, and peace of mind…
The orange Husqvarna mocks me from the shed, making me feel all at once enraged and pitiful. She sits in pieces refusing to turn over, and I do not know where to start. Lawn out of control, I am determined to at the very least get the front yard done today. Between the weather, the job, and of course the kids, time is always lacking. I have a window of sunny kid free weather. In the back of my shed there sits the old push lawn mower. At one time this red Craftsman ran like a top but now sits faded, self propelled broken long ago, covered in dirt and…
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Roots, wings, and birthday cake!
I will never forget her sweet face that refused to give an expression…any expression. Not a smile or a sneer to be found from this girl, all of 15 months old she sized us up. She sat back with her cool confidence as her father and I sweated it out. It was one of those summers where heat and humidity reigned. We pulled down the dirt driveway leading to a small farm, my heart pounding as we were about to meet our children. True to form, Niki was already running across the farmer’s porch yelling “mommy, daddy!” I managed to hold it together on the outside, as the voice inside…
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Save the Drama for your mama…
Oh wait that’s right, I am the mama. Damn it!! This week has been fraught with drama. Some of it due to my own mood shifts, other due to the fact that I have a prepubescent girl. I look at her with her lip curled up and rolling her eyes at me, like I am a ridiculous human being for suggesting that she should clean her room. That I have the audacity to demand respect from the child. She puts up her shield of defense without taking into account that I am always on her side. Her tough exterior starts to crumble as I watch that same girl reveal her…
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Happy Birthday Mom!!
Before this day ends, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the day. Today my mom would have been 72 years old. It amazes me that this is the 8th birthday that this woman has not been able to celebrate her life with us. Today I think of how grateful I am to still be blessed with the gifts she bestowed upon us. What comes to mind is something she said to me over 20 years ago when I was going through a particularly trying time. She said “you will get through this, and you will be stronger because of it”. I think of all the times those…
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It’s ok, to not be fine…
As if no time has passed there you stand old friend. There may be more grey hairs and wrinkles between us, but at last that same smile is same as it ever was. The same goofball things still dissolve us into fits of giggles, bringing me back to the girl I was. We catch up about kids and work. We retell stories. We are mystified by how much time has passed since we saw each other, and vow not to go so long again. We lie! We recite the glossy versions of our lives, like we are reading from a script. We dodge the truths that may bring down the…
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Keep your chin up girl…
Three simple words-I need help. They lay like molasses on my tongue, not wanting to escape my mouth. Fear that once they escape into the universe I will have to give up the shield of independence I carry with me. I don’t believe that this is unique to me, but rather a plague that effects women in general. We don’t ask for help, and we don’t put ourselves first. This has become abundantly clear to me recently, in both myself and some of my favorite women. Why do we do this ladies? I can’t tell you how many projects I have started or attempted to tackle because I didn’t want…