Save the Drama for your mama…

Oh wait that’s right, I am the mama. Damn it!! This week has been fraught with drama. Some of it due to my own mood shifts, other due to the fact that I have a prepubescent girl. I look at her with her lip curled up and rolling her eyes at me, like I am a ridiculous human being for suggesting that she should clean her room. That I have the audacity to demand respect from the child. She puts up her shield of defense without taking into account that I am always on her side. Her tough exterior starts to crumble as I watch that same girl reveal her truths. She protects herself with anger first, and I have learned to wait it out. Parenting this child has been the most challenging and rewarding experience of my life. The sass is strong in that one, and I secretly love that fact. She has a warrior spirit wrapped around a heart of gold. The challenge is to nurture this and allow it to grow, yet at the same time trying to instill patience and reverence.

For those of you who don’t know my journey to motherhood, it has involved infertility, multiple failed IVF attempts, and finally adoption. I believe this was always my path. My now ex-husband and I adopted two black girls, who look nothing like my Irish self and even less like their ginger dad. I look at these girls, and they are 100% my kids. There personalities shaped, or warped depending on who you ask, by us. I was thinking recently of how far we have come, as I was talking to someone who is starting this process of adopting through foster care. They have just started the required 10 week training course, and had questions and concerns. I remember them well. I remember doubting our decision dozens of time, and even contemplating not continuing. Luckily we stuck it out, and realized that we were on the right path. We were blessed with some very dedicated social workers and adoption workers that guided us. I will never forget the phone call that let us know we had been matched with two sisters, ages 15 months and 2 years old. It was a whirlwind of meetings, painting bedrooms, collecting everything one might need for two little girls. During this frenzy of pink and sparkly things, my world changed completely. I was a mom! During the course of this conversation was the concern about bonding with these kids we bring into our lives. I would be lying if I said it wasn’t an initial concern of mine, or that it even happened instantly. The truth is it is inevitable, and then there is no looking back. I would protect these girls with my life, and I know there dad would as well.

So I am so grateful for my sassy child giving me the death glare that is perfected by every prepubescent girl. My partner in all things adventurous. My sweet child who surprises me with homemade gifts, and random acts of kindness. My girl with the voice of an angel, and wild spirit. Perfectly imperfect in the most beautiful way. My Niki…may she always be fearless and free.