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Ode to Prednisone…
Inspired by Dr. Seuss and Prednisone I wrote this little poem about a month ago, while “patiently” waiting on an oil change that was taking way to long. At the time it distracted me from the very real side effects that had started to effect me after being on multiple medications for a month. Most notably in that moment, I was starting to get just a tad pissy. The night before my daughter read Oh the Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss to me, still one of my favorite kid books. Fueled by frustration and silly rhymes, I banged out my Ode to Prednisone…I share it now because some days…
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Save the Drama for your mama…
Oh wait that’s right, I am the mama. Damn it!! This week has been fraught with drama. Some of it due to my own mood shifts, other due to the fact that I have a prepubescent girl. I look at her with her lip curled up and rolling her eyes at me, like I am a ridiculous human being for suggesting that she should clean her room. That I have the audacity to demand respect from the child. She puts up her shield of defense without taking into account that I am always on her side. Her tough exterior starts to crumble as I watch that same girl reveal her…
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Reminders and the untold future…
I was reminded today by one of my friends, my work mom (aka Mama Ware) if you will that it had been awhile since I posted a blog. I had my excuses-I was busy, I was tired, etc. The truth is I have been feeling a little lost. I have allowed this illness to kind of become my identity, and I have lost myself a bit. Pieces of myself like a puzzle cast about, and I am left trying to retrieve them and see if they still fit. I feel so far removed sometimes from who I was, that I fear I won’t get back there. I guess the reason…
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Happy Birthday Mom!!
Before this day ends, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on the day. Today my mom would have been 72 years old. It amazes me that this is the 8th birthday that this woman has not been able to celebrate her life with us. Today I think of how grateful I am to still be blessed with the gifts she bestowed upon us. What comes to mind is something she said to me over 20 years ago when I was going through a particularly trying time. She said “you will get through this, and you will be stronger because of it”. I think of all the times those…
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It’s ok, to not be fine…
As if no time has passed there you stand old friend. There may be more grey hairs and wrinkles between us, but at last that same smile is same as it ever was. The same goofball things still dissolve us into fits of giggles, bringing me back to the girl I was. We catch up about kids and work. We retell stories. We are mystified by how much time has passed since we saw each other, and vow not to go so long again. We lie! We recite the glossy versions of our lives, like we are reading from a script. We dodge the truths that may bring down the…
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I have a plan!!
I took a deep breath, unaware that I had even been holding it. As the doctor told me “your kidney functions have improved, and you won’t need chemotherapy”, I felt lightness enter my body once again as he continued explaining the labs and treatment plan. For the first time I had a firm treatment plan. Yes it involves months of heavy duty medications, countless lab visits, and routine visits with the doctor who thankfully unraveled it all before my kidneys completely gave out on me. I have a plan!! I like a plan, it puts me in control and provides an end game. I am a list maker, instilled by…
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Oh hello ankles, nice to see you again…
Before I got out of bed this morning I pulled back my covers and saw them with my own two eyes-clearly defined ankles. I almost took a picture to prove they are still there. Knowing that it will not be long before they are filled with fluid and resembling something more sausage like in nature. It doesn’t take long before edema settles in. I showed my sisters my ankles last night, and I was surprised by there shock. It’s strange what becomes our norm. My sister compared them to a Temperpedic mattress, and it is a pretty accurate reference. For those who haven’t slept on one of these mattresses, when…